Payment Protection

If you take out a mortgage or a credit card (any loan really) you will be offered something called ‘payment protection’.  Which according to the label on the tin, is that, if for whatever reason (illness, no job) you can’t repay your debt, the insurance will do it for you – nice!  That seems like a really sensible thing to do.  I always do it.  But you may not be able to get a payout if you have a part-time job, are self employed or if you can’t get work because of a pre-existing health condition or if you were working on a short term contract. Supposedly, only 4% of people who take out ‘payment protection’ ever claim on it!  Those insurance fat cats are good, aren’t they!  Some of these banks are clever too, because instead of asking for monthly premium payments, they just add the lump sum to the value of your loan so you end up paying interest on the whole lot over the length of the loan!  So in my simple mind, not only are you paying insurance for something that may not happen, we are also paying interest on it too. Hmmm…

Extended Warranties

I like this one.  Every time I buy some new electrical thing, at the till I get asked if I want extended warranty.  Firstly, I don’t expect the blooming thing to break in the near future.  Secondly, I’m a bit worried that, as the person selling me the goods, you don’t have enough confidence in it either.  Thirdly, I’ve spent enough money on this item, so of course I want to give you an extra £150 or whatever it might be!

I personally don’t think we need it.  Most goods come with a 1 year guarantee and we are protected under the Sale of Goods Act 1979 (quote that in your next compliant letter!) which means that goods must be ‘fit for purpose’ when you purchase it.  Most new goods/appliances don’t break down.  Which magazine stated that 81% of washing machines don’t breakdown in the first 6 years after you buy them.

Let’s say for arguments sake, that you do pay for a 5 year warranty at £150 and the item cost £50.  The electrical appliance would have to break down four times in year 2 to 5 (remember year 1 is covered) to be worth it.  Hmmm…make sure you work out whether or not it is worth it (i.e. how many times it needs to breakdown) before you take out extra cover.

Mobile Phone Insurance

So as far as I know, the lowest insurance premium is around £5 a month even though a new handset could cost as little as £20.  So on that basis; your phone would have to be stolen around every four months to make the insurance worth it.

Let’s look at the main aspects of the insurance for a second.  It’s supposed to cover you for calls made when the phone has been stolen, but it won’t cover you if the phone disappears because you left it unattended.  Plus it will only pay out if the loss of the phone is reported within 24hrs.

So if your phone was stolen and you noticed within the 24hrs you’d report it straightaway so there would be no calls costs involved to protect you from.  If you didn’t notice, you might not notice for another 24hrs!  Plus you need to get a police report etc!!  Phone your mobile phone company and find out what your insurance covers you for to be sure.

Wedding Insurance

Pile of poo – sorry to be so blatant!  I’ve been married and thankfully nothing went wrong.  But seriously – wedding insurance!?  Someone help me out here.

Ok – let’s say your photographer doesn’t show up – how will getting a cheque for £200 help you to remember your special day? Or let’s say your guests get food poisoning, are you going to claim on insurance and then get them all back to eat it again?  Perhaps some people would. 

You may as well take that money you would have spent on wedding insurance and put it towards a weekend away on your first anniversary or something.

Travel Insurance

You really don’t want to be caught out in another country.  Travel insurance is a good thing to have, but check the policy carefully.  You may not need to have a standard policy, it’s not always one size fits all.  Try www.insureandgo.com , they allow you to put together your own policy.  If you travel more than once in a year, consider getting multiple trip policies.  Also, check that you don’t already have free travel insurance with your bank.  Some accounts come with free travel insurance as perks.

The following insurances you should have in my humble opinion;

• Home and Contents insurance – they don’t have to be with the same company but could work out cheaper if they are.
• Car insurance – you can’t drive without it.  Shop around for the best deals

You can pretty much insure yourself for anything.  I think Jennifer Lopez’s butt is insured.

What ever you are taking insurance out for, please remember the following;

• Always compare insurance prices – leave yourself enough time to do this so that you aren’t rushing and choose one because you ran out of time.
• Be flexible – try to find insurances that give you flexibility so that you don’t have to go with the standard package if you only need the basic cover
• You should really only be buying insurance for the things that you cannot replace, pay for or will suffer real pain by losing.  Anything else you should save for and cover yourself instead of paying large premiums.

You can get lots of information on insurance as well as other financial stuff (ISA’s etc) from www.moneysavingexpert.com .

I hope this has been useful to someone out there!

Speak soon!

D

I should say that growing up, marriage was never something that I’d fantasised about. If I got married, I got married.  I was neither against it or obsessed by it.  I didn’t have a collage of wedding cut out magazine clippings on my bedroom wall.  Some women have it all planned from what they will wear, the colour scheme and flowers to what food will be served and the first dance.  Don’t get me wrong,  there is nothing wrong with being prepared or good planning, but if you haven’t found ‘Mr Right’ yet or aren’t even in a relationship, then perhaps you need to prioritise a little better….hmmm.

I guess from a young age, women are taught to believe that they will all grow up to have a husband and raise a family.  We are taught this by society, media, toy manufacturers, schools, family etc.  There is a lot of pressure on women to ‘settle down’ from a young age and some fight that pressure and others don’t.  My friend is on a mission to promote the importance of positive gender role models for girls – http://www.pinkstinks.co.uk/ .  It’s important that girls know from a young age that they can do anything they set their minds to, in the same way boys can too.

I did get married and I have two beautiful boys who I adore, but this lifestyle has been my choice as a woman.  Other women (and men) choose other lifestyles to lead and that is their choice. 

Not every woman thinks a wedding and babies is the route to happy ever after.  In fact a lot of women are proud to shun the ‘conventional’ path dictated by society, for their own reasons.  It is a personal choice.

For women older than myself (in their 50’s and 60’s), it was accepted and expected that marriage and children would be the focus of their existence.  They weren’t supposed to think about having careers outside of the home and that being a wife and mother was all they should aspire to.  But women such as Helen Mirren and Germaine Greer, even Oprah, all beautiful, intelligent and successful in their own right went against convention.

In Joan Smith’s book, ‘Different for Girls’, she summarises that,’women without children are viewed either with pity (what a tragedy) or with hostility (how can you be so selfish?).   Why is that?  And women’s harshest critics are other women of all ages.  Why can’t we respect each others choices and support each other in those choices?

For example, my children aren’t an insurance policy; all I expect from them is to be well balanced, happy individuals that contribute to the society we live in.  I don’t expect them to allow me to retire early and I definitely don’t live my life through them.

For women who choose not to get married or have children, if/when their relationships end, one of the positives is that there are no costly court proceedings or expensive lawyers to add to the potentially stressful situation.

Why should people be made to feel uncomfortable with the personal choices they make in life, without the majority singling them out as abnormal or selfish?  A lot of these women aren’t against marriage; it’s just not for them.  They like the fact that they only have themselves to consult about everything, being completely independent and not having to answer to another person.

I guess my question would be what are their ideas of marriage?  Do some people think that by getting married, you belong to your husband?  Not in my mind at all.  I like being someone’s wife, but I am no way a trophy. 

From my personal point of view, I selected the ingredients for my cake, I made it, and now I am enjoying eating it.  I am lucky that, as a woman in western society, I have some independence, a family, a husband and a career.  I know some women aren’t so lucky.

So whether you choose to be married or not, have children or not, we have that choice in our society.  We should be grateful for that and not belittle those for not choosing the same as us.

We should encourage young women to choose the lifestyle that is right for them but mentoring and supporting them.

Speak soon

D

Now, I’m not usually interested in celebs and what they get up to – but this is more around the media and women’s self perception of their bodies.

It turns out, the lovely Kim Kardashian isn’t as perfect as she may seem…and you know what who cares!  What annoys me is the ugly lie!  The lie she believes in her head and the lie the media feeds to women and young girls!

Supposedly, a magazine, Complex, accidentally published a photo of Kim and forgot to airbrush it, see below.

Kim Before Airbrushing

Kim After Airbrushing

She then comes out fighting saying, ”So what: I have a little cellulite. What curvy girl doesn’t?” . At which point I thought, good on you girl, stand up for yourself.

Then the little minx turns around and says, ”How many people do you think are photoshopped? It happens all the time!… At the same time as this Complex shoot, I was gearing up for my fitness DVD and you should see my thighs now!!! Haha”

Haha?  Haha?  Haha what?! So you’re saying that you cellulite isn’t something you can be happy about?  Anyway, how much exercise can remove cellulite?  Talk about egoic! 

You don’t even look like you!  How can you expect women to look like you?  Even with exercises can Kim look like her airbrushed self?  You skin tone isn’t even the same! 

What you should have said was, ‘Yes I have cellulite and I am proud of my body.’ or at least got someone to write it for you! 

Talk about role model! Not! What kind of message are people like that sending out?  Even Beyonce doesn’t look like herself in real life!

In 2004, Jamie Lee Curtis posed without make-up, wearing just her underwear on the cover of a woman’s magazine – refusing to let the magazine airbrush out any imperfections, saying she was happy to show off her ‘fatty little tummy’ – my hero!

Why can’t more celeb women refuse airbrushing and let us see their true beauty, wrinkles, cellulite and all.  Why are other women always so critical if a woman seems to have ‘let herself go’.  Who cares!

I urge all women and young girls, to aim to be happy in their own skins.  Cellulite is not the end of the world! In some countries, men love women with stretch marks!  When I get to that place I’ll send you all an invite.

Let me know your thoughts!

Speak Soon!

D

Still, I haven’t let the lack of Spring stop me from getting on with things.  If , like me, you feel like a bear waking up after a long winters sleep, you’ll be itching to put things right.  Spring cleaning isn’t limited or limiting.  There are many things that you can do to improve your life and health just by doing a spot of spring cleaning.

The most common area to spring clean is the home.  Scientists, say that a cluttered home doesn’t only look bad, but it can damage your mental health.  People clutter up their homes for a variety of reasons, some people are disorganised but in more extreme cases some people are hoarders and have an emotional attachment to their possessions. 

Compulsive hoarding is a recognised manisfestation of OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder).  If you are a hoarder, you can get help to address your attachment with your possessions.  Try these sites;

http://www.ocduk.org/

http://www.squalorsurvivors.com/

http://www.ocfoundation.org/hoarding/index.php

I would say that I am just a little bit messy.  Some people would argue that if you are disorganised in the home, then you are also disorganised else where in your life.  But you know, it’s OK to be a little messy. Why? Because I say so.  How do I define a little messy?  Well what you are comfortable living in and not too ashamed of if you have an unexpected visitor?  For example; As long as mould isn’t growing on dirty dishes, it’s OK to do the washing up when you have more energy. 

There’s taking it easy, then there’s being laid back, and then there’s plain lazy.  Declutering your home or a space can actually reduce stress and free up your mind to concentrate on other things.

Some of my personal tips;

• Tackle each room one at a time.
• Don’t do it alone if other people share the home with you.  You wouldn’t want to throw out their prized possessions.
• Do it on the weekends.  If you are as busy as most people, don’t fool yourself into thinking that you can do it in the evenings, you may only be setting yourself up for failure.
• Only touch things once, don’t put them into a pile to decide on later.  Trust me, you will have that same pile (although it may move around a bit) for days maybe even weeks!
• Stuff should fall in the following categories, give away, sell, store, keep, rubbish.  Throw away/recycle  the rubbish, box up the storage items, box up the donation and sale items for when you ready and only put the keep items back in their proper places
• Be brutal, if you haven’t touched it in 6 -12 months, you probably don’t need it (this does not include passports people!)
• Ask yourself the following questions, when did I last use it, am I going to need it in the future on a specific date, is it a legal or needed for tax purposes, how hard would it be to replace if needed again some day and how is it making my life better?
• You may need to make a list of any additional storage furniture you may need and plan and budget for when you might get them

If you don’t have the energy to tackle your clutter alone, you can pay people to help.  Yes, there are companies out there that can help!

http://www.clutterclear.org.uk/index.html

http://www.cluttercleared.com/

http://www.cluttergone.co.uk/

http://www.clutterclinic.co.uk/index.html

There is even an whole association (Association of Professional Declutterers and Organisers UK) that can help!

http://www.apdo-uk.co.uk/

Please note that these are just companies that I have found and I have never used them before.

Just think how happy you’ll feel once it’s done!

An other area of your life that may need a spring clean is your Finances!  I know, scary!!  But you know, I think not knowing is worse than knowing what your situation is and putting together a plan to deal with it!  2009 promises to be a tough year for most people. 

I will discuss ways I think you might want to tackle spring cleaning your finances in my next session!!

Good luck with the spring cleaning!

Speak Soon

D

Thousands of years ago fishes grew feet, certain animals grew wings etc.  Evolution, a higher state of consciousness?

Well I have just undergone my own small step to evolution (albeit temporary, but who knows)!

People, I was rushing to work, running late due to a broken boiler, in my 4inch heels, which I wear to work every day. My excuse being that I’m flat footed and it hurts when I wear flat shoes (yes, I have a pair of Uggs, but they don’t count in my bizarre mind).

Half way into work, I suddenly decide to be good (or bring out the goodness inside me!) and buy a fruit salad, which I am consuming as I write this blog.  Delicious, but my tongue stings…hmmm, must be the pineapple.

So, I’m striding to the tube platform and suddenly I hear an almighty crack!  I keep walking a few paces and realise that my blooming heal has snapped in two!  I keep walking because I aware that people are behind me…and I don’t want to cause a scene! Hah!

Again!  This is the second time in two months!  The first time it happened, I was again on my way to work and because of my ego, I brought another pair of heels.  You guessed it – the ones that broke this morning.

So I continue on the journey to work, aware of the strange looks from both men and women with various express of ‘poor cow’, ‘serves your right’, ’you should of had some spare shoes’ and such – not helpful at all. 

I eventually hop along to the nearest clothes shop, which happens to sell shoes (not always a good idea).  It was Monsoon; I suddenly panicked and envisaged images of me wearing satin pink flowery shoes to work!  Not a good look for me.

I wasn’t too far off mind you.  So to my utter despair, the only shoes I could find, that were conservative enough and suitable for work were a pair of black flat shoes!  I know! Flat shoes!  Now I know, some of you may be rolling your eyes at this point, but imagine if you only wore flat shoes and they split and the only other pair of shoes you could buy were peep toe 4.5 inch heel shoes! So there!

So pushing aside ego and self, I handed over my credit card and brought the flatties.  As soon as I put them on my feet hurt, but I wasn’t sure if it was a true physical reaction or a mental reaction.  Either way I ignored it, put my old shoes in a bag (proof for my boss that I really did have to go shopping at 09.30am) and walked back into work. 

I was very conscious of the fact that I had shrunk by about 4 inches (ego – again), but at least I had shoes and was grateful for that alone.

Why are some of us so concerned about how we look to other people?  Perhaps if we just concentrated about making ourselves happy and healthy we would be less stressed.  We perhaps wouldn’t walk around with our stomachs held in all the time, or frantically pile on make up on the train before we got to work (rolling my eyes – LOL!).

Honestly, do we care that much what others think?  Have we been total brainwashed by what is perceived as beauty?  How do we go about breaking that cycle?  Should the cycle be broken?  If some of us could do it – would that make us less civilised?

Hmm…

Speak soon

D

There has been a significant increase in self harm cases across Britain!

‘The number of people harming themselves deliberately has leapt by a third in the past five years, according to new figures seen by The Independent on Sunday.’

One third in the past fives years is very upsetting, especially as the biggest rise seen has been amongst young women between the ages of 16-24.  Self harm is more common in young women than in men.

To be clear, the term self-harm is commonly used to describe any non-fatal acts of deliberate self-harm, regardless of the intention.  When most of us think of self harm we think of people perhaps inflicting harm to the surface of their bodies, but eating disorders can also be considered a form of self harm. A lot of people believe that those who ‘self harm’ are suicidal, this isn’t always the case, sometimes they are looking for a release from the stresses in their lives.  These stresses are usually unbearable emotions, and/or sensations of unreality and numbness. 

And before you start thinking this doesn’t affect you – think again.  Some of us harm ourselves in less obvious – but still serious – ways. We may behave in ways that suggest we don’t care whether we live or die – we may take drugs recklessly, have unsafe sex, or binge drink.  Some people simply starve themselves.  I know some women who do that just to lose a few pounds?

Growing up, I had a girl friend who always wore long sleeved jumpers, even in summer.  As we became closer, it became clear to me that something was not quite right.  She eventually confided in me that she would regularly self harm and showed me the fresh wounds on her wrists from where she would cut herself with razor blades.  She also suffered from an eating disorder.

At first I couldn’t get my head around why someone who seemed so perfectly healthy, happy and with a loving family would ever do anything like that to herself.  It turned out that she was being abused at home and the only way she felt in control of her life was through the self harm and eating disorder.  It offered her a kind of release she felt she couldn’t get anywhere else. 

At that young age, I wanted to help but couldn’t.  She didn’t want anyone knowing and she trusted and confided in me not to tell.  All I could do was be there for her when she was at her lowest and act as a distraction as much as I could to take her mind off the self harm.

It’s also very hard to diagnose someone with this type of condition because it’s so hidden, especially the cutting.  In a recent study of over 4000 self-harming adults in hospital, 80% had overdosed and around 15% had cut themselves (according to the The Royal College of Psychiatrists).

Would you be able to tell if someone had an eating disorder or was self harming?  What would the possible tell-tell signs be?

So why do people do it?

Here are some of the reasons, for example emotional stress;

• physical or sexual abuse
• feeling depressed
• feeling bad about yourself/low self esteem
• relationship problems with partners, friends, and family

Or some people feel that people don’t listen to them, they feel helpless, out of control or isolated.  Some people do it to punish others as a way of showing them how distressed they are.

Although it’s fair to say that some people go through one or more of these events/experiences in their lives and never self harm.  What makes some people self harm and others don’t, I don’t know.  We are all different and unique.

Shockingly, 3 in 100 people who self-harm over 15 years will actually kill themselves. This is more than 50 times the rate for people who don’t self-harm.  The risk increases with age and is much greater for men. 

For anyone who is affected by this, perhaps you self harm in one way or another, or you know someone who does, there is help.  It’s also important to say that you aren’t alone or the only one doing this and you have nothing to be ashamed of.

There are ways in which you can try to reduce the self harm, such as confiding in someone about how you feel, distracting yourself with something that interests you (i.e. singing), perhaps think about doing something creative, perhaps start writing a diary.  This may sound odd to those who don’t self harm, but if you do self harm experts suggest some harmless pain such as having a really cold shower or squeezing ice cubes when you feel the sensation to self harm.

There are lots of UK based organisations out there who can help and support you.  I found the following, and there are probably loads more;

http://www.recoveryourlife.com/

http://www.thesite.org/healthandwellbeing/mentalhealth/selfharm

I hope you this has given you an insight into what self harm is and given you a better understanding of why people do it.

If you do self harm, I’d like you to know that you are wonderfully made and that your life is very important.  You make an impact on the people you come in contact with on a daily basis.  What type of impact you make is your choice. 

Speak soon

D

I could give 100 and 1 different excuses but it does boil down to simple procrastination.  You know, it actually feels really good, better than I thought it might to get on and do this.

I imagined it would be hard to ‘blog’ as I’m not the type of person that keeps a diary or a someone who writes regularly, but I’m pleasantly surprised at how easy I’m finding it.  Bring it on, I say and I hope you forgive my novice style of writing! So enough of that. 

You’re probably wondering who is this woman and what is she here for.  Unfortunately, I won’t be able to give you my full life history and CV in one session, but I promise to give you a more in depth look into what makes me tick over time.

My name is Deliane (pronunciation – Deli-Anne) and I have a passion for women. 

What I mean is that I want to see woman of all races , backgrounds and ages be the best that they can personally be, whether that means fulfilling their potential or just being equipped with the information and tools needed to make their lives a little easier.  By doing this, I believe we can make life a little bit better for the generations of women after us.

I care about woman, the types of information they are given that helps formulate the choices and decisions they make in life.  I care about women’s personal well being as well as how they interact with other people (personally and professionally).  Some men may also find the information or things I talk about in my sessions interesting and beneficially which would also be a bonus.

I should just state that I am not a life coach and never have been and I think life coaches can be very helpful to some people and in certain situations.  I am what some people would call ‘an ordinary woman’.

I have always seen myself as a catalyst.  It’s been said that a catalyst starts a reaction and that’s one of my aims, to start a reaction that brings about change and awareness in women’s lives. 

It’s commonly known that prevention is better than cure and if women can benefit from the information/discussions in my sessions then I know that I am doing what I set out to do.  I want to enrich, encourage the lives of women by providing them with tools, knowledge and other women’s experiences.

A little about who I am. I am a woman, who has a family, two boys, a husband and a cat (not necessarily in that order). Who happens to work in a corporate environment five days a week.  Who happens to live in South East London.  Who happens to be 32.  Who happens to have been brought up in a single parent family.  Who happens to love dancing and singing (not very well).  Who happens to have had some minor health issues.  Who happens to have been born in St. Lucia.  Who happens to be black. 

So you see, I am a little bit of most women.  Some woman are married, some aren’t.  Some have children, some don’t.  Some are in relationships, some aren’t.  Some have pets, some have none.  Some work full time, some would like to work, some can’t.  Some live in London, some live in another town.  Some are middle aged, some are younger, and some are older.  Some have family, some don’t.  You get the point.

I look forward our future discussions sessions together and learning as I share!

Speak soon

D